Why are some of us so difficult to express our feelings in general, and a sense of gratitude, in particular?
As a child, I belonged to the type of boys who were embarrassed to say “thank you”. Well, you remember this: “What aunt must say?»And I did not say, at least kill. And he walked for the ungrateful, at best for the stubborn. Only the smartest sometimes insightfully remarked: “Leave it alone. He is shy. It happens with boys “. For such aunts, I was grateful to which there was no end and which has no way to express. Immordical gratitude. But for everyone she remained a secret.
Perhaps I was the most grateful child in the world, but no one knew about it. Parents in general, no matter how offensive, often evaluate the child only by external manifestations. They (that is, we) terribly etiquette people. “According to the rules” is more important than “from the heart”. Not always, of course, but almost always “looking” is very important.
Then I thought a lot: what explains my childhood stubbornness or, there, shyness? Post Factum We are becoming truly attentive to ourselves and always face what can be called a revelation.
The sticky candy removed from his pocket, there was no gratitude, as it cost nothing and the gesture giving. In life, then there will be many such indifferent gestures of help or gift. We, of course, learn “thank you” “thank you”, but do not experience any special gratitude.
Another thing is an act dictated by mental disposition or participation. This can be insignificant help (take the time of the owners of the owners or water flowers), maybe significant material assistance, but not because he will not lose from the
giving one, but from spiritual generosity and compassion for disaster in trouble. The size and complexity of assistance are not so important, more significant sincerity and mercy. And we always feel accurately. Thanks, of course, but still gratitude in the form of this on -duty word disappoints with its disproportionate feeling.
Marina Tsvetaeva in notebooks has several pages of entries devoted to gratitude. They begin with a pretty and funny episode: “When the five-year-old Mozart, just running away from the harpsichord, stretched out on the slippery palace parquet and the seven-year-old Maria-Antoinette, the only one of all, rushed to him and raised it, he said:“ I say: “I will marry her”, And when Maria Teresa asked him why,” out of gratitude “”.
I’m sure children, all, without exception, are grateful creatures. The question is different: how long a growing child, and simply speaking, an adult, has a sense of gratitude and whether it somehow affects his actions? After the episode with the little Mozart, Tsvetaeva bitterly remarks that when the little Maria Antoinette became the queen of France and she was transported on a cart on the cart, no one shouted out of gratitude: “Long live the queen!”
I note, by the way, that the surrogate of gratitude is the law “You – I am to you”. They are equally used by both ordinary people and, as they say, decent and criminal entities. If this is not criminal guarantee, then there is nothing bad in such a custom. Just a mutual assistance and a certain guarantee of reliability. This is also called “I owe him”. Well, I have to pay good for good. Only to a sense of gratitude does it have nothing to do with.
Gratitude not only does not need external forms of expression, but practically does not have them. A feeling of purely internal, it can appear unexpectedly, after, perhaps years. Or do not appear at all, but simply color the relationship. The best form of its manifestation is the presence of nobility in his own behavior, since a person once accepted as the norm a noble attitude towards him from another.
If we talk about bail, then this is a guarantee of nobility and compassion, love, if you want. In the same notebook of Tsvetaeva: “I never visit the grateful people for actions – only for entities! The bread given to me may turn out to be an accident, a dream seen about me, always an essence “.
This is true. For life, one can keep gratitude to the sympathetic gaze, in time the said word of support, saving intercession, which is not outwardly dictated by faith in you or simple approval. I remember, at one meeting, where I was almost unanimously accused of what imperfect act, a man stood up, respectable, even beloved, and said: “This is not true”. They shouted to him: “Facts!“I have no facts,” he answered, “but if my word means something for you, then I say: this is not true. He could not do that “.
His word meant a lot. From the sanctions against me temporarily abstained. And after a while, the true culprit was also discovered. But at that moment this man did not just save me, he believed in me. Is it worth it to say how I was grateful to him? But how to express this gratitude? Say thanks”? But only?
